Behind These Hazel Eyes

I have a confession...I went out and purchased the Kelly Clarkson CD....Yup, I'm a dork! I looove her music, especially "Breakaway" & "Behind These Hazel Eyes"

I woke this morning and I have a huge scratch on my left hand. Either I'm beating myself up in my sleep or my cat somehow got the best of me last night. Maybe I kicked her accidentally or went to roll over and my hand got her angry *shrug* Ouch though! She is a feisty bitc hthis morning. I was just in the other room petting her and I stood petting her with my legs on either side of her. She rolled over, attacked one leg for no reason, rolled over again and bit my other leg. I was like Hey! Then I walked away from her cause she was being a pain and she walked after me and bit my leg as I was walking and kept on walking herself...Grrrrrrr :) She's a genuine PITA today (Pain In The Ass) ;)

Yesterday I went to GAGV Youth group, then Jess, Terri, Virginia and I went to Barnes and Nobels Bookstore and Target. I had a gift certificate from Barnes from work a while back so I purchased some books, big surprise, cause I never buy books! *snicker*

We went to Target and I got a new CD holder for my car because the one I have on the driver side visor is all stretched out. I got the movie "Chasing Liberty" with Mandy Moore, which is also very cute :)
After that I came home, was about to either clean or read, and I just felt so exhausted so I crashed for a while.

My friend from back home called me last night. The conversation was different, she sounded like something was different, I can't explain really what was in her voice, but I picked out something. We've known each other since 7th grade and we've been by each other's side for years thru thick and thin...She called to ask if I remembered some guy she saw out. I remember the name, but I couldn't put the pic to the name in my year book. I hadn't heard from her in a while, since April or May. I'd almost given up on her. I don't like when I'm the one that always has to call people, friendships and relationships work both ways with communication. I know people get busy, we alllll get busy, but it's nice once in a while to set aside time and call. I hope that we can communicate more because I do miss her a lot and I miss old times. She's married now with a baby and that has to be a load on her. I'm past people however that don't give back what I put in...I was different in the past, I was different with old friends, but I've changed. I am a much stronger person than I was years ago and I've met some incredible people that put effort in...Don't get me wrong, I love love love my old friends and always will, but I no longer put up with stupid shit and fights, etc...Part of that was back in my anxiety/depressed days, which I no longer have...I was quiet, timid, shy, and picked on and didn't do anything about it because my self-respect was low due to other things I couldn't "disclose" at the time. I didn't feel worthy sometimes of others...Back years ago I relied too much on friends and others for approval, and I know now that I was scared of "me" and things I knew I needed to address, things that have only made me stronger today, because I have addressed them and worked thru them...I look now and realize that I have it together a lot more than people in my past in who I've become over the years. Don't get me wrong, my past was great, I wouldn't change a thing, but we all have goods and bads of our past, and there were some things that I kept hidden and suffered for for some time.

Anywho, nuff of me...Today we're going to Darien Lake for Gay Days! YAY! I can't wait, we're taking off around 1:00 and won't be back till around midnight. Tomorrow I have to work, BOO!
I was talking with Toby yesterday about being "aged out" of the GAGV Youth soon and becoming more of a facilitator at the GAGV overall, someone who would take over group if needed. Toby right now relies on me to help others and keep things "in-line" at group which I like. I'm one of the oldest there and I no longer use group as support, but more of a relaxing time to kick back and enjoy the company of others and helping others. I'm past the stage of needing any support when it comes time to my sexuality, I guess I've "molded" into the person I knew myself to be. There isn't anything that has changed in me from when people knew me years back, I'm just more content in myself and in life overall because I have nothing to hide any longer, I know who I am and I'm stronger.

Saturday I didn't do much. Courtney, Ces, Dave and I went shopping late at night, like at 1:00am :) We came back to my place, cooked quesadillas, Court dropped off Ces to her apt, and we crashed for the night here.

Friday I had work and Friday night Courtney and I went to Charlotte Beach late at night, walked the pier, and sat on a blanket in the sand just cuddling for a long while. Something I've never done before and it was so awesome, just to sit with someone you care for, on the beach next to the water, at night, in the summer, and have no worries :) There were two ladies walking the pier holding hands and we were like awwwww, so cute :)

Well, that's about it for now, not too much else going on...Just Life :) Which is awesome...
"Life Is Good" as the sticker on my Jeep says...hehehehee....Love Da Jeep! ;)

I need to go eat some food, I'm starvin like marvin...
Until next time friends....